9:17 a.m. - 2006-04-25
tiptoe
The man turned 39 yesterday, I don't think he had a very happy birthday. I didn't ask. Mostly because in the last week anytime I ask anything I get no response. If I ask "are you ok?" which I have done a hundred times, I got "I'm fine. I have a lot of work to do." It's work related stress which is causing his brows to furrow and his inability to sleep. Compounded with my sheer exhaustion from all the house/work/kid duties that makes me conk out early. I get the feeling me sleeping actually pisses him off. Or maybe it's my imagination that everything I try to do to help pisses him off. Maybe it has nothing to do with me.
The birthday celebrating was rather lowkey. He got a card from me and the kids. Cards in the mail from our parents. We went out to lunch yesterday at a nice restaurant. Yet that was tainted with complaints about the menu selections and service. In this mood, no one wins. I also always give him the out but he never takes it. Dinner was pizza brought home by me after my night meeting. After dinner we had the chocolate cake I baked and iced with white buttercream because that's his favorite. He had two bites. Then opted for the beer he bought earlier. I went to sleep and he stayed up all hours online.
These are the times I just push on and deal with the kids and work and wonder when the stress will be gone. From what I've read about men, they need their space, and I give so much freakin' space I might as well be living in an alternate universe. These same books say eventually the man will be refreshed and ready to talk. I'm not holding my breath on that. Just how many years of space can one have and then expect things to be the same place when they return to reality?
It's hard to tiptoe around the house so I'm cleaning the bathroom and staying out of the house until I need to return. Correction: As I'm typing this he just got in the shower that I was about to scrub. So onto plan B, good thing I'm flexible. Maybe I'm going for a walk. I need the clarity because I don't like what the tension does to my thoughts.
